Friday, June 30, 2006

Finders Keepers?

i'm so mad, i don't even want to look at you, but i do want to sit near you, i just don't know why
In order to break the tension between us, we're headed for the beach this weekend! We're not really fighting, but we are going to the beach. Yippee!

This morning, waiting for a light to turn green, this is what I saw:
A young woman at the bus stop has her back to me. She bends over the low guard rail and gives something a harder look. She glances over both shoulders and then leans down a little lower to pick it up out of the tall grass. It's a black Nike bookbag. I could see the symbol clearly. Again, she looks over both shoulders and I can see her sifting through it. As I'm about to pull off, I see her wry smile and watch as she turns toward traffic and slips the headphones over her ears.

12 I-Know-Every-Word-to-This-Album CD's I'm Taking on the Roadtrip.
Hank Williams' Greatest Hits (Senior of course)
Cat Power- The Covers
Billy Bragg- The Peel Sessions Album
Neutral Milk Hotel- The Aeroplane Over the Sea
Jolie Holland- Escondida
The Pixies- Doolittle (I don't care what you say, I never get sick of it)
The Cardigans- First Band on the Moon
The Detroit Cobras- Life, Love and Leaving
Nick Drake- Pink Moon
Radiohead- Kid A
The Garden State Soundtrack
Le TIgre- Le Tigre

I don't know if you'll hear from me for a couple of days.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Somebody's Cranky!

I’m driving, as always.
Tim has a 40 minute commute to and from work, so the last thing he wants to do is get behind the wheel after he’s home.

We get in the car and the Mountain Goats are playing. I say, "This is the same exact song that was playing when I backed into your truck!" I was too busy listening to it to look before backing out. Stupid.
He says, "I know. Don't hit my truck again."
I didn't. But I think that CD is cursed.
Anyhoo, we’re moving along, and I’m telling him about how Audrey impressed me today:

Out of the blue, she placed a slobbery wet finger right on the tip of my nose. I said, “Yes. Nose. Mama’s nose. Where’s Audrey’s nose?” She transferred her slimy digit to the side of her nose and then corrected it to land right on top. (Now, we've been working a little with her on this one.) That’s not the impressive part. I thought, “I’ll just push the envelope and see what happens.”
“Where’s Audrey’s hair?”
Without hesitation, she places both hands on her head and pretends to be shampooing herself. Right on.
“Where’s Audrey’s ear?”
Again, she surprises me. Instead of just showing me where one ear lives on her face, she cups both of her hands and places them dead center over both ears. The surprise on my face is what must have made her giggle.
It stops there. She has no idea where her mouth, cheeks or eyes are.

I finish telling Tim all about it and I say, “Isn’t that awesome?”
“Yeah. Are you gonna run this light?”
I answered him after I actually ran the damn thing. “Uh, yeah. I guess I am. I did. Uht!”
I check the rearview mirror while he shakes his head.

I try to start up another conversation, quick, before I have to defend my driving capabilities. I told him that I think we should start talking to Audrey more like she’s an adult than a baby. “She’s learning so fast!” I said. Tim, in his sarcastic-after-a-long-boring-day-of-work way, turns back to the car seat and says in a low monotone voice, “Hello Audrey. How are you doing today?”
I nearly ran off the road because, Audrey, watching him so seriously responded quite maturely by raising her arm and giving him an open-handed, “Hi” without ever taking the bottle out of her mouth.
“SEE!” I said.

On the way back home, I’m engrossed in my own thoughts and I hear Tim say, “Are you gonna run that same light?”
After I accidentally ran the same damn light, I just looked over at him and shrugged my shoulders. “I guess so.”

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I am going to punch myself in the face.

I have been sitting here at the computer, uploading photos to flickr. Audrey was left to explore the room. She found my purse. I let her play with it because I didn't think there was anything potentially harmful in there. I turn back to the computer. She finds her way over to the side of my chair, sits down and says "Mmmmm!"
I look down because she only says "Mmmmm!" if she's eating something. Sure enough, she's munching on something. I stick my finger in there to do a quick sweep and guess what comes out?
A freakin' penny!
I had pennies in the bottom of my purse. Duh.
I'm so sorry for being a horrible mother today Audrey, back in your cage.

Monday, June 26, 2006

What's grosser than gross?

Do they make Baby Gas-X?
Tim hasn't seen this picture yet. He's going to kill me. Why you ask? Well, he's a not a neat freak in every aspect of his life, but with his offspring, he is. I swear, that boy will wipe her face every 5 seconds when we're out in public. It's quite embarrassing.
I say let her get messy every once in awhile. I hadn't planned it that way, but after I dumped a forkful of spaghetz down her front, I figured, "What the hell?"
That shirt is soaking in the sink overnight.

Typing spaghetz made me think that I should probably start documenting The Language of Tim. Our poor baby is going to grow up speaking some made-up way of speech. I admit, I have succombed to some of the silliness. It's quite catchy and when you hear it everyday it starts to sound right. For example, I almost used a Tim Word the other day. I started to say, "She clombed up ontop of me" instead of "climbed". He was an english major for God-don-don! Anyway, I'll have to sit down and try to remember all of the Tim Words so I can share them with you.

I took a shower before I sat down to type this. The doctor suggested that I try to gently blow my nose in the shower while it's all moist. So, I did. It felt funny. So, I stuck my finger up there to see what I could feel and I was shocked. There was a spot that felt tender and hard. I thought, "Maybe it's just a dried up booger. I should try to get it out."
So, I pulled on it. It wasn't coming out. It didn't exactly feel great, but I wasn't in pain or anything. It was strange.
I stopped messing with it, got out of the shower, dried off and then peered into the mirror. I have an effing stitch hanging out of my nose! Gross! It's complete with a knot on the end. Gross! I'm afraid to go tugging on it again. I'm still debating what what to do. I was going to take a picture, but I think I'll try to snip it with skizzors instead.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Nostalgia Hits Me Hard

Thank you Fred.
It all started because I read this.

After I read that, I followed a link to this and watched it.
After I finish this post, I'm going to go back and watch the Parts 2- 9 of the American Television Interview with Fred Rogers. The first one had me in tears and I realized how much I learned from his shows as a kid. I never got to say thank you. I vow to be more like Fred.

Watching those videos hit a chord deep inside me. I felt it almost necessary to rush to the store and buy all of the episodes of Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Fred Rogers and the Sesame Street characters had a profound impact on my childhood and I wanted the same for Audrey immediately.

Luckily, Tim wanted to venture to Whole Foods tonight and the bookstore is right next door. So, we went. I was crowding the DVD family section with Audrey in her stroller. I searched for episodes and series of Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. I couldn't find them. I went to the computer to search for them so that I could place an order for them. While searching, my ears were tuned-in to a mother and her two kids searching for a DVD to buy. The mom says, "Shirley Temple. She was a dancer." Her son says, "Shirley Temple. That's a drink!" I burst out laughing. The mom and I shared a warm glance and I added, "A very good one too!" They finally decided on Chicken Little. Anyhoo, they do not exist, the DVD's. I can't believe that you cannot purchase tv episodes of either show! I did go ahead and purchase this. I opted for the DVD complete with the bonus trolley rather than the sweater. I found the sweater to be humorous, but the tolley to be more practical for Audrey.

I also purchased a CD of Sesame Street Favorites. Tim booed at this selection. I told him that he didn't have to listen to it, it was for Audrey's benefit.

As we returned to the car to go home, Tim made a snide remark. (I can't remember what it was about.) As punishment, I put in the Sesame Street CD. He pouted. Three tracks into it I silently looked over at him and saw that he was subtly nodding his head to "Who are the People in Your Neighborhood?". He finally noticed that I was watching him and we both burst out into a childish laughter. We were rockin' out. "C is for Cookie" soon came on and Audrey joined in with her creature voice. We nearly wet ourselves. She is such a trip.

When we got home, I jumped on eBay to see if I could find tv episodes there. No luck. I googled. No luck, but I did find this:
The Sesame Street Episodes on DVD Petition
Please join me in signing. I really want these for my own. I wonder if there is a black market for this stuff. I wish. I wish. I wish.

P.S. Did you know that up until his mother died, she knit all of the sweaters that he wore on the show? (You did if you watched Part 1 of the interview!) Gia, I knew you'd appreciate that.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Our Saturday Adventure.

Tim: “What do you want to do today?”
Me: “Same thing I’ve suggested every Saturday for the past two months.”
Tim: “What?”
Me: (Dirty look from a furrowed brow.) “Take a guess.”
Tim: (Eyes looking toward the ceiling. Thinking. A light bulb goes off.) “Awwww! Naw! I don’t want to do that.”
Me: “I don’t care what you want. We’re doing what I want today.”
Tim: (Crosses arms. Sticks lower lip out.) Fine.

I continue to surf the web and decide to take a look at the High Museum’s site, since we were finally in agreement. I was hoping to find out if the Chuck Close exhibit was still there, that being the main reason I’d been hounding him for so long. I couldn’t find out what the current exhibit was, but I did come across a calendar of sorts.

Me: (Looking at the online calendar) “Hey! They have Toddler Thursdays! Isn’t that cool?”
Tim: (In the bathroom getting dressed) “Good. You can take her on Thursday then.”
Me: Shuddup. We’re going. TODAY.

There’s a hustle bustle in the upstairs of our house. We both get dressed. Tim gets Audrey dressed. I brush my teeth.

Tim: (From downstairs) “Hurry up! Let’s go! I’m hungry!”
Me: (From the upstairs bathroom) “Don’t rush me!”
Tim: “I’m putting Audrey in the car. Come ON!”
Me: (Grab camera. Grab bottle. Comfortable shoes or hip shoes? Hip shoes. Lock door. Get in car.) “Do I look like a hootchi-mama today?”
Tim: (Monotone) “No. You look like a Yuppie.”
Me: (Starting the car) “Asshole.”
(Both laughing on the inside.)

We finish breakfast and head for The High. I’m so excited to finally be doing something different. I accidentally took the longest route there. We drove all the way down Peachtree Street, through town. We stretch our necks to see the tops of skyscrapers. We watch the tourists in the crosswalks that seem so out of place.

Me: “We NEVER come downtown. We live in Atlanta and we NEVER come downtown.”
Tim: “Why would we; to see homeless people?”

We get to The High, park and I notice that there is not a ginormous banner hanging from the front of the building. Damn. There’s no Chuck Close exhibit. We missed it. I knew it.

Me: “When did the Chuck Close exhibit go down? I mean when was the last viewing?”
Employee: “Last weekend.”
Me: (Shooting Tim a glare of disbelief.) “Damn it.”

We bought tickets anyway. We put our little numbered stickers on our chests and went straight to the new wing. It was awesome. They moved the contemporary stuff in the new space and it is just the right setting. The first painting I saw stunned me. I love Anselm Kiefer and I’d never seen this painting before.
As Vast as the Ocean or the Stars
Isn't it amazing? Those are waves. Can you see them? And the sky is a labeled map of the constellations. It was almost as great as being on the beach. I love art. You can see the rest of the pictures from the adventure here: Audrey's first trip to The High Museum of Art. I think she had a good time.

After we'd seen all we wanted to see, we headed back to the lobby to leave. We were waiting at the corner to cross the street and Tim says, "Oh yeah." He nods in the direction of the light post and I nod in agreement. I look down at my chest for my admission sticker so that I can follow Atlanta tradition and stick it to the light post. "I can't find it?"
"What did you do with it?"
I shrug my shoulders, "It must have fallen off in the lawn somewhere."
Tim sticks his on the pole and we safely cross the street.

We make it to the house. Tim puts Audrey down for a nap and joins me in the bedroom. It is almost the exact same setting as earlier this morning: He lays on the bed and I sit at the computer. I finish uploading my pictures and yawn while simultaneously lifting my arms behind my head. I laugh hysterically.

Tim: "What is so funny?"
Me: (Swivel to face him while holding my position.) "I found my sticker!"
Tim: (Squinting) "Where?"
Me: (Still holding my position. Eyes lead him to look in the right direction.) "Under my arm!"
Tim:(Joining me in laughter) "How could you not feel that?"
Me: "I dunno."
Tim: "Aren't you going to take that off? How could you not feel that?"
I shrugged my shoulders.

He gets up from the bed to go downstairs. I get up to go to the bathroom. I look in the mirror and laugh at myself again. It's smack dab in the center of my lunchlady. I start to peel it off and i figure out why I couldn't feel it.
It was fused to my skin.
I had to hold back my scream while peeling it off. I didn't know my lunchlady could stretch that far. There's still a red mark. I swear.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Missing Pieces

missing pieces
Today marks a very sad day on my calendar, Audrey's too. I think she knew something was amiss tonight at dinner. She kept looking towards the restaurant door waiting for three very special people to walk in, and they never did. I was secretly hoping they'd be in the driveway when we got home, but they weren't.
"Babies and Beer Night" is officially over. No more baby food jars or veggie crackers strewn about the table soaked in spilt adult beverage. No more baby banter or one-ups over melted Brie. No more teasing about someone's high maintenance restaurant demeanor. No more laughing hysterically at the volume of food Giant Baby can eat in one sitting. No more venting about overindulgent in-laws or unwanted enormous stuffed bunny presents. Now, these conversations will be held over the phone amidst daily distractions and reiterated to our mates before bed. I already miss these Friday nights something terrible.

I met Suzanne at school. She was one of the few teachers I respected. Honestly, she was one of the few that I thought seemed somewhat sane. (I'd find out later that this was not true.)
At first, I didn't think that we had very much in common. She seemed very proper and Southern, both of which I am very much not. She was always very well put-together and wore make-up and nice shoes. I, on the other hand, came to work looking like a slob and wore the same Doc Marten boots to work every day. She was an 8th grade Language Arts teacher and fit the part perfectly. I was the Visual Arts teacher and somewhat of an outcast. I was afraid to cuss in front of her at first.

Like with all of my best friends, it's hard for me to remember exactly how it was we became best friends. Suzanne has a much better memory than I do and says she remembers the first time she met me. It was in a faculty meeting. She said I chose a seat next to her. Lord knows what we talked about. We both have a sarcastic sense of humor and I suspect that's how we first bonded- making great fun of our co-workers, laughing under our breath and correctly deciphering subtle "yeah right" facial gestures in response to terrible teacher presentations.

From there on, it was as if I'd always known her. She became one of the reasons I looked forward to going to work each day. She was always telling me funny stories of her and her fiance, how they met, domestic disputes. She came to me for advice on her wedding photos, in-laws and annoying co-workers. We exchanged funny student stories and dreams of getting pregnant. I confided in her about Tim and arguments we'd had. We started planning little play dates together, like going to an all-night scrapbooking event. I couldn't believe I had accepted her invitation, but it ending up being one of my fondest memories with her. I am now addicted to scrapbooking (rather buying scrapbooking supplies) because of Suzanne.

I believe the biggest bonding experience began when I became pregnant with Audrey. We couldn't stop talking about it and it was so nice to have someone at work that was so supportive. Not three weeks later Suzanne came to my room with the most excellent news. She was pregnant too. All of the teachers on our hall used to joke, "Don't go near those two, you'll get knocked up!" Suzanne and I started forgetting about our teaching duties and smothered ourselves in baby magazines and myths about eating eggplant parmesean to induce labor. (humph! yeah right!) Students started getting us confused. It was like we had become the same person.

We finally decided that it might be a good idea to introduce our husbands to each other. Well, Suzanne, being the planner, invited us to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner. I was so nervous about the outing because I thought our husbands were like oil and water. I am not one for awkward dining events. The conversationist I am not. If it hasn't been proven already, I must be the world's worst judge of character because they got along like peas and carrots. Thus began regular meetings with the Shermans.

Sharing these times with them has truly been one of the highlights of my thirty-something life. To be able to share such milestones of life in a parallel light with such an amazing couple is a gift. To have a friend that is so much like a sister, to love her daughter as much as I love my own, to adore her husband and her family and to be able to laugh at our follies and triumphs of parenthood.... these are gifts that have no adjectives. From trying on hideous maternity clothes that should be burned, waddling up and down school hallways like penguins, whipping out nursing boobs in public, dyeing easter eggs and then chunking them at trees, phone calls about rashes and sleep patterns to the infamous Babies and Beer... I am thankful for every minute.

Suzanne, Phillip and Kitely, I never would have guessed that I'd be so upset about your move to Tennessee. When I really started to think about what I'd be missing, tears welled up in my eyes. I never got a chance to express how much each of you means to me, Tim and Audrey. Having that sinus surgery allowed me to dodge my emotions on the subject, but I'm letting you know now. You are an extension of our family. We will always be here if you need us.

Many hugs and kisses,

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I blew it.

Holding hands in bed. Watching Last Comic Standing.
"I want to do something."
"Like what?"
"I dunno." Sigh. "Something different. Let's go somewhere."
"Like where?"
"I dunno." "Let's move." "Can we go live with Suzanne and Phillip?"
Return to lathargic lump position.
Simultaneous Sigh.
Faces return to crappy show.
"Yeah, honey."
"Lemme give you a mohawk."
No Sigh.
Turn to meet each other's gaze. Wife with one eyebrow up. Husband smiling.
"Okay, go get the clippers."

We both shot out of bed like two toddlers on Xmas day. Into the bathroom. Clippers on. This rocks! I was so excited that I was shaking. I took off some patches first. Giggled. Made him look in the mirror. I buzzed most of the sides off and started to shape it.

"Okay, lemme just work from the outside in." Giggle.
"Okay, let me think about this. I'm too excited. I need to slow down." Giggle.
Buzz. zittzz!
"DAMN IT!!!"
Both look in the mirror. Wife frowning. Husband squinting.
"You ruined it."
"I KNOW! DAMN IT! I was too excited. Wait. I can fix it. It's not so bad."
"No. You ruined it." Sigh. "I can't believe you ruined it."
"Me neither." "It's lopsided."
Simultaneous Sigh.
"At least your hair grows fast."
"Yes, yes it does."

Mohawk Gone Bad

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Me vs. Chronic Sinusitus

Homage to Tedfoo
(click on this photo to see others in the photostream)

The surgery was quite interesting. Tim and I felt like we were in an episode of Scrubs or ER from the moment we arrived at the hospital. (I'll spare you the details.)
Everything went well, except for the amount of nausea that came afterwards. Lots of sleeping, lots of pain pills, water to keep the old smacker wet and one very sad, pathetic story about Britney Spears. Oh, and after reading the large section in People dedicated to Hottest Bachelors, ladies, we got lucky.

About the reading on PRI, it didn't happen. Recognized, but not aired. Oh well, at least I'm in good company. finslippy didn't get read either, and she rocks.
"Left a lot of great stuff on the cutting room floor. If you didn’t hear your blog post, we apologize; we ran out of time at the end of the hour. If it makes you feel any better, we had to cut off the producer credits at the end, too, so we didn’t hear our names, either."

Once again I've missed another shot at fame and fortune. I guess I'll just go finish reading my People.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Blogsday 2006

Sometimes making an ass of yourself will get you noticed.

I was contacted by Open Source (a public radio show based in Boston and distributed around the country) today and they asked my permission to broadcast an excerpt from My Daily Struggle for Blogsday 2006.
Blogsday is "based loosely on Bloomsday, which celebrates "Ulysses" as an evocation of the whole world in a single day (in Joyce's case, June 16, 1904), the idea is create a mosaic portrait of our country out of excerpts from blog posts written on the same day. "
The day they chose to pull from is the day that I wrote this: Great, everyone's going to know I'm an idiot.
Unfortunately, the Atlanta affiliate (NPR- WABE), will not be airing it. You can reference this page and figure out how to hear it, if you are so inclined. I subscribed to the Open Source podcast so that i can check it out on Friday after it's been archived. I will be laid up in bed after sinus surgery, with shit taped to my nose, on pain killers anxiously awaiting some actor/actress to creatively interpret one of the crappiest moments of my life.

Some of the funniest lines of the email were these:
"Though the (story) is almost tragic, it would read perfectly on the radio and make the rest of the world realize how good their own sad little lives are."
"We can't pay anything -- this is public radio after all -- but we can guarantee a respectful treatment, a national radio audience, and a link on our blog."
So, tune in on Thursday to hear an hours worth of blog excerpts from around the country.

Thanks Colin Baker, for reading.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

13 Months on the 13th

13 months
My favorite thing about you is: There's nothing like hanging out with you in the morning in our bed. You babble so much in the morning that I can't get a word in edgewise. You must be a morning person like your father- blasphemy! One of my favorite things is when you place that little tiny claw of a hand onto my chin in the morning. This is usually in response to me turning my head away from you for a minute to catch a few extra z's. I can feel the penetrating warm patch, which is an outline of your hand, gently grab my chin and pull it to face you. I open my eyes and you glare at me like, "Mama, how can you turn away from me?" I struggle to keep my eyes open and play the staring game with you. You always win.
One of my other favorite things lately is that you're finally ticklish! I was so worried when you wouldn't respond to my tickles. I had tried every spot on your body to no avail, but this works. Swhoo!
Also, you ALWAYS sleep with your butt up in the air. I can't help but grin from ear to ear everytime I go check on you.
What I'm most looking forward to is: Taking you to the beach again. I just know you'll love the waves and giggle as they threaten to swallow you up. Lord knows that with your belly you'll make a damn good flotation device.
The biggest relief would be: Well, it already happened. You've gotten over those horrible ear infections. Now, it's your teeth that are causing you pain. Still, it's nothing compared to those damn ear infections. I'll just die if you get another one. I don't think I've washed your ears in 3 months. People might start gawking at you in public, pointing at your tiny ears, giving me eat shit looks and saying, "Someone needs to clean that poor kid's ears out," under their breath. They can kiss my ass. They have no idea the hell we go through when your ears hurt.
New words: Water, Elmo, Belly, Poo Poo and ALRIGHT! And you're saying MaMa more frequently. I'm thankful that you no longer call me DaDa. Although, I wish you'd stop pulling up my shirt to exclaim, "Belly!" You know I'm self-conscious!
Some of the funny things you've done lately: Well, you have mastered the sign for "MORE!" (see above.) It comes in handy for you during meal times. A couple days ago I had just finished feeding you what I thought was a sufficient meal. You had homemade mashed potatoes, broccoli and carrots. I took you upstairs to put you down for a nap. Half way through the bottle you stopped, threw it on the ground, looked up at me, and made the sign for "more" over and over and over again. I couldn't believe it. I took you back downstairs, strapped you in and ended up feeding you two more jars of baby food. I love you Piglet.
Today, she was dancing to one of her sing-a-long toys and started erradically bobbing her head. Just when I started wondering if she had autism, she danced right into the wall and bonked her head. I'm bringing it up at the next doctor's appointment.
Speaking of appointments. At the last appointment, we went just to make sure that the 8 shots of antibiotics worked. The doctor had to check her ears again (which of course she despises these days). After she successfully, but with much aggrevation, checked her ears Audrey wriggled down. She grabbed the strap to the diaper bag and started lugging it to the door saying, "Bye-Bye! Bye-Bye!" The doctor laughed and said, "Wow! She's ready to go, huh?" With a straight face I responded, "Yeah, she's afraid if she doesn't get the hell outta here that you're gonna give her another shot!"
This porridge is just right.Attempting to get some herself.invisible porridge
Audrey, you are growing up so quickly. Too quickly. I already miss the Blobbers that I used to know. Your expressions and temperment are so totally toddler now. You want to feed yourself. You want to open doors. You want to run. You want to explore.

I want you to stay a baby forever.
However, I reluctantly say 'good-bye' to infancy and 'oh help me jesus' to the toddler years.

Sunday, June 11, 2006


Can you ever get used to it? Does it ever become the norm?

While giving Audrey a bath tonight, she hesitated in her play to make a little "Uhh" sound. I knew what was happening before I could actually see it. I was only somewhat pleased, if I should even use the word "pleased" in relation to this story, to see that they were solid turds.
Granted, Audrey was a vacuum tonight. She had some of a grilled cheese, macaroni and cheese and mashed potatoes. I shouldn't have been the least bit surprised that she'd decided to have a movement in that nice, relaxing warm water.
Since this is the second time this has happened, I knew exactly what to do. I quickly snatched her out and placed her on a towel on my lap. I strategically picked all of her toys out of the water. Luckily all of the logs were cooperative and floated downstream towards the drain. This time I wasn't that worried about touching them, but I'm glad I didn't have to. I called Tim.
Tim is forever dubbed The Turd Tubman.

Is my kid the only kid that poops in the tub? I'm going to hate all of you if your answer is "Yes".

Happy Birthday Kitely!

Birthday Gurl
Today is Audrey's best friend's birthday. She is better known as "Bug". She does the "Bug Dance" and even has her own sport:"Extreme Kitely Ball"! She gets her hair cut at Van Michael's and is quite often seen wearing very fashionable ladybug duds. She is an avid swimmer, a fun playmate and the soon-to-be-author of "How to Get What You Want from Your Parents". Audrey thinks she's the bees knees.
For Kitely's birthday, Audrey got her the best gift ever. It was actually regifted. ( I love the rules of etiquette associated with regifting. ) Not only was it regifted, but it was wrapped in Xmas paper which was all we had. I want to tell you what the gift was, but I am at risk of the original gift-giver finding out. So, I can't tell you, but it was a talking Care Bear.
The card read: "Merry Christmas Kitely! Don't worry, this is a joke. We're not really this lame. The Regifted Gift!"
Audrey and Kitely wrote their names on the bottom of the box to document the list of receivers. It is Suzanne's responsibility to regift the regifted gift again. I wonder how far it will go.....maybe we'll see it on Ebay someday!
Here are the gazillion pictures that were taken at the event if you are interested: Happy Birthday Kitely Mae!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

6pm on 6.6.6.

At 6 o' clock this evening, the day of the devil, YOU should have been in my driveway to hand me THE IDIOT OF THE YEAR AWARD. You should have thrust it in my face right after witnessing me slam into Tim's truck while backing out of the driveway. Yep. This is three days after Tim almost traded it in for a mini van, one day after I gave Tim a bunch of shit for being a horrible driver, and hours after Suzanne complimented me on how clean and nice I keep my car.
I still can't fucking believe it.
The only thing that stopped me from completely demolishing his truck was hearing him yell, "AN-GEL-LAAAAA!" Stop for that horrendous crunching sound? Hell no.
I immediately pulled back up to my original location, jumped out of the car, looked at the truck and well, the rest looked pretty much like a short stop missing a routine grounder only to let the winning run score. I walked towards the garage with my back to the mess, clutched my head (and hair) in both hands, hunched over and screamed, "Jesus F****** Chr*st!!!" (I'm sure the Devil found this highly entertaining.) With my hand on my knees, a tear-streaked face and a crushed ego, (let's not forget the two crushed cars), Tim says gingerly, "Well, get back in the car and let's go eat."
"What? I just smashed your truck!" It came out sounding more like, "Wh huh huh huh at? I juuu hu hu hu huh st smashshushed your truuuuck!"
"No sense in crying over spilt milk." "Come on. Let's go."
I can't believe I got back in the driver's seat, but I did.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Craptastic Memorial Day!

My creation
Aud and I were sick all weekend, so we didn't do much but sleep and cry and vomit and pout until Daddy gave us hugs. Nurse Tim is getting a raise. He is the best nurse EVER! Memorial Day was not a memorable one for us. AND it was gone in a flash.
By Wednesday, the 'bug' had pretty much cleared up. Audrey and I were still a little tired, but we had to get out of the house! Suzanne and Phillip had invited us to have lunch and then go swimming at their place. It couldn't have been a better day. I lost track of the time and was drowning in good company. Before I knew it, it was 4:00 and the day was almost gone. You know what, I take that back: the only thing that would have made the day better was if Tim had been able to join us. I have been trying to convince him to get a teaching job so that we can have the summers off together. That was the only thing missing- Tim.
I still can't get over how they look like two old geezers in their sun hats. Don't you think so?
What better way to kick off the summer?
(Well, you can't swim, take pictures, put on sunscreen, watch the kids AND have a margarita, right?) Uh, maybe you can. I'm just not that talented yet.
Audrey properly thanked her hostess, Kitely, for a wonderful day:
Best Friends!