Friday, February 29, 2008

Someone's Gonna Get Busted

Last night was one of the most unusual nights our family has experienced.

We all got to bed on time and early.
We were startled awake by a loud knocking at our front door.
The dogs, of course, began barking incessantly and going all kinds of crazy.
Audrey, of course, woke up and began crying. Poor girl had no idea what was going on.
Tim and I had no clue either. We were running around the bedroom trying to find our clothes and see who the hell was at the door. It was 2:45am for god don don! I quickly darted in Audrey's room and told her I would be right back and everything was okay.
I race out into the living room a step behind Tim. The dogs are still barking their heads off, Audrey's still crying and I see a flashlight's beam bounce off the walls.


Tim shouts, "Hold on!" (We were rounding up the dogs so that we could lock them in the room and safely open the door.)

Finally, we answer the door (dogs still barking, Audrey still crying).

Officer: Is this, uh, such and such address?
Us: Yes.
Officer: Well, obviously you are not who we're looking for. We're looking for a black man.
Me: Well, what's his name? We just recently bought the house. Maybe we've received mail for him.
Officer: So and so common as can be name.
Me: No, never seen anything with his name on it.
Officer: Sorry to bother you. We'll let them know that you are the residents so you won't be bothered again.
(All this time...yes, dogs still barking and Audrey still crying her fluffy head off.)
Me: (Sleep deprived, cranky, pregnant and feeling it) Come here. Let me strangle you. I'll give you a reason to arrest me.
Needless to say, he didn't even crack a smile.

Turns out, there was a SWAT team surrounding our house. Looking at out the window, after rescuing Audrey, I saw 3 cop cars slowly take off.

I dried Audrey's tears and brought her into our bed. She lay there for a moment and then said, "There was someone knocking on our door with a flashlight."
"Yes, " Tim and I confirm in sleepy unison.
"He was gonna bust somebody!" says Audrey.

We just about died laughing, hearing that phrase in her tiny voice. (She'd obviously been listening intently to our conversations after the event.)
She talked and asked questions for about an hour.

I don't know when we all feel asleep, exactly. What I do know is that we all slept through the alarm and were late for work.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Most Definitely Losing My Mind

So, Friday? I had the day off. It was great. Furthermore, I decided I would be dropping off Audrey at day care in the morning and taking the day completely for myself. Even better.
Baby Dictator
I was extremely productive. It may not have appeared that way to the average person (aka- my husband) but it's true.

We've lived in our new house for over 6 months, but have yet to secure anything to the walls (meaning photos and paintings and stuff). Curtains for the front room have yet to manifest. Boxes of stuff are still milling about. Why aren't they unpacking themselves?

I digress.

Back on track. I woke up thinking, "I'm going to get this home in order."
I spent the majority of the morning doing laundry and working on the kitchen/dining room. I consolidated much of Tim's stuff and hung a few things on the wall. I started to hang this magnet board that Tim made, but I really need nails instead of screws (which was what I was using before b/c of the plaster walls). So, I go out to the shed to look for two nails. Seems simple enough, right?

I find the shed key, open that sucker up, and this is what I see:

Reason #42 to kill my husband when he gets home. Yes, I know it's the day after Valentine's Day. So what.
It was literally filled to the gills. It was like Tim had just given up and started throwing things atop the already solidified heap. There was no way I was going to find those nails. DAMNIT! So, cursing Tim all the way to the hardware store I buy a package of nails (when I know full well there are a million nails somewhere in that shed).

So, I get back home, put up the magnet board and lose some steam. I do another load of laundry, load the dishwasher and decide to go get Gubby instead of moving on to the living room.
Here's where it gets worse....
I forgot to mention that the shed key is on my spare set of car keys' ring. This set of keys was already in my coat pocket. So, as I was heading out the door, I felt the car key and assumed it was my regular set (same number of keys on the ring).
I pick up Audrey, get back to the house, finally look down at the keys and realize I have the spare set (with the shed key on it) rather than the usual set (that includes the house key). DAMNIT!

We are so locked out.

At least I had my cell phone. I called Tim to let him know to hurry home. Luckily, we only had to wait outside for about 45 minutes. Unfortunately, I have a toddler that refuses to poo-poo at school and needed to go badly as soon as she realized we couldn't go inside.

Once inside, we discuss what we're going to do for dinner. I caved and said, "Let's just go out."
Tim reminded me he had a coupon for the burrito place downtown. Great.
We get to the restaurant, park, are about to put money into the meter when , "DAMNIT!"
"What?" asks Tim.
All I could do was just look at him.
"You forgot your purse."
"Yes. I forgot my purse."
"Let's go home."
All the way back home I'm cursing myself. What is wrong with me? Where is my mind?

Get back to the restaurant. Eat. Tim takes Audrey to wash up the burrito aftermath. While they're gone, I pay the bill. They come back. Tim thrusts the coupon my way.
"You already paid."
"Yep. I already paid."
"Let's go home."

I'm surprised I remembered how to get there.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

It came in the mail, today.

It came by mail, today.
So, we caved.
We decided to let Audrey watch a movie. I hardly thought she'd sit still for more than 5 minutes of it. You can imagine my shock when she sat through all of it.
I sat there, next to her, and watched it too. It'd been years since I'd seen "Snow White" in its entirety. There were several parts that I'd forgotten about. For example, when the hunter lifts his knife to stab her, when the vultures circle round and round in the sky waiting to devour the queen's dead body or the trippy scene where the trees turn into demons and she barely escapes their wrath.
I kept thinking to myself, "These are big themes. Should she be watching this? This is kind of violent. Should I turn this off?" But, I didn't. She was intrigued. She was inquisitive. She was curious.
After the third viewing (not consecutive), she was singing all of the songs. She was aking more questions and putting more concepts together.
I decided it wasn't a bad thing.

She's obsessed.
And in case you're wondering, her favorite dwarf is Dopey (followed closely by Grumpy).
I catch her singing, "Some Day My Prince Will Come" in the privacy of her room.
She sleeps with her Snow White doll every night. After trying on her new dress, she ran to find her Snow White doll so she could tell her, "I have a dress just like you! Yes, I do! We have the same dress now Snow White. Uh-huh." So cute!
The Evil Queen was formerly known as the (eye-val queen), although Audrey pronounces it correctly now.

We coaxed her to take off the dress for night-night by reasoning with her. "You don't want to get the dress all dirty and wrinkled, do you?"

P.S. The girl is totally potty trained now.
It has a cape!