Why I'm a Cranky Bitch....

So, I was sitting there in my black tank top and nothing else (unless you consider the sterile crepe paper sheet wrapped around my lower half an article of clothing). I was staring at my very tired reflection in the glass of one of the ugliest paintings I've ever seen in a doctor's office. Waiting.

It was my 39 week appointment. (40 weeks is full term, in case you didn't know.) I'd already been to the hospital twice (3 times really) with the anticpation of induction. Both times I was sent home and told to go on bedrest.

So, I'm waiting. Frustrated. Still staring at my own reflection. Hoping that my cervix has opened or ripened or whatever it does before going into labor. Hoping that the doctor will find some reason to send me to the hospital, this time, with results. I glance down my large chest into the cavern of my newly acquired cleavage and see a few bread crumbs from my turkey sandwich resting in my bra. I fish them out and eat them. No shame.

Finally, the nurse practitioner enters the room. I vocalize my concerns: she's not moving as much these days, my feet look like balloons, my ankles have completely disappeared, the pressure in my pelvis is uncomfortable, my boobs are touching my chin, the heartburn/indigestion is killing me, I can't sleep at night... all the normal pregnancy bull shit. I don't think she even glanced up from her chart during my ramble. She's heard it all before. About the only thing I didn't do was beg to be induced. I drew the line at that. But complaining, oh she got an earful. (Not that it helped my situation any, or hers.)
She checked my cervix and announced that I was at 2 1/2, still. No progression. I was put on a fetal monitor for 20 minutes so that they could see if the baby was still moving. She was. She's just getting bigger and has less room. (I know the feeling.) And no, no contractions yet.

So, we'll just have to wait another week. My biggest fear at this point is that I'm going to be delivering a 10 pound baby. My vagina will never be the same.

Poor Tim.


P.S. I've tried just about every method of natural labor induction. Nothing's working. Boo!

Happy Birthday Mamaw!

So, this is late, but it's still cute.

Happy Birthday!

She's three! I can't believe it.
Before we even go there, I'm sorry. I know I suck. I just haven't been in the mood to blog, lately.
The only reason I'm blogging now is because I can't sleep.

I've been to the hospital three times.... and no baby. Every bit of excitement I had about this pregnancy has been drained out of me. I guess you could say I'm a bit depressed. I know it's just the hormones though, so we'll continue as if nothing was mentioned.

Audrey's birthday was pretty low-key. We celebrated with our favorite neighbors and pals: April and Amelia. Both of the girls enjoyed the icing and the candy much more than the actual cake. Me, being pregnant, had already eaten my fair share of the cake batter before baking, so I skipped out on my piece. God, have you ever had the cake batter ice cream at Cold Stone? TO DIE FOR.

Anyway, let's jump around a bit. What has been happening since my last post?

• I no longer have ankles. (Not that I had beautiful thin ankles before getting pregnant. But at least there used to be some sort of definition.)
• I have club feet, or as I like to refer to them "Hobbit Feet".
• Varicose veins are abundant as are the spider veins. I will never wear skirts or shorts again.
• My boobs about reach my chin now.
• I have what they call the mask of pregnancy. My nose has widened and I have permanent dark circles under my eyes. I don't even recognize my own mug in the mirror.
• Heartburn is brutal. I go crazy when my tub of rolaids are not within reaching distance.
• All energy has left my body. I'm surprised I'm even typing this entry. Really.
• I want to kill my husband, every day, every hour, every minute. You know, just because.
• Three showers a day do nothing to alleviate my discomfort.

So, let's see, those of you that have emailed me with your concern- thank you.
I hope this entry will satiate you for some time. I have no idea when I will get the gumption to write more. Please know that I am just one big giant ball of crankiness. I cringe when I hear my phone ring. I wince when the first ray of sunlight pierces my deformed face. I dread the thought of walking. I am completely over this pregnancy. My hope is that once she's out, I'll return to normal. Whatever normal means.