Why I'm a Cranky Bitch....

So, I was sitting there in my black tank top and nothing else (unless you consider the sterile crepe paper sheet wrapped around my lower half an article of clothing). I was staring at my very tired reflection in the glass of one of the ugliest paintings I've ever seen in a doctor's office. Waiting.

It was my 39 week appointment. (40 weeks is full term, in case you didn't know.) I'd already been to the hospital twice (3 times really) with the anticpation of induction. Both times I was sent home and told to go on bedrest.

So, I'm waiting. Frustrated. Still staring at my own reflection. Hoping that my cervix has opened or ripened or whatever it does before going into labor. Hoping that the doctor will find some reason to send me to the hospital, this time, with results. I glance down my large chest into the cavern of my newly acquired cleavage and see a few bread crumbs from my turkey sandwich resting in my bra. I fish them out and eat them. No shame.

Finally, the nurse practitioner enters the room. I vocalize my concerns: she's not moving as much these days, my feet look like balloons, my ankles have completely disappeared, the pressure in my pelvis is uncomfortable, my boobs are touching my chin, the heartburn/indigestion is killing me, I can't sleep at night... all the normal pregnancy bull shit. I don't think she even glanced up from her chart during my ramble. She's heard it all before. About the only thing I didn't do was beg to be induced. I drew the line at that. But complaining, oh she got an earful. (Not that it helped my situation any, or hers.)
She checked my cervix and announced that I was at 2 1/2, still. No progression. I was put on a fetal monitor for 20 minutes so that they could see if the baby was still moving. She was. She's just getting bigger and has less room. (I know the feeling.) And no, no contractions yet.

So, we'll just have to wait another week. My biggest fear at this point is that I'm going to be delivering a 10 pound baby. My vagina will never be the same.

Poor Tim.


P.S. I've tried just about every method of natural labor induction. Nothing's working. Boo!