Full of Surprises

Sometimes we listen to children's music on the way home. Sometimes we listen to my music.
The other day we were listening to my music.
The kids were quiet and content. Everyone just seemed to be into the tunes. It was a nice ride.
Then, Audrey so matter-of-factly states, "Mama, I want a pink violin with red rubies on it."
Hm. What?
I responded, "You do? You know this song has a violin in it."
"I know. That's what reminded me that I want a pink violin with red rubies on it."
"You want to learn to play violin, eh?"
I'm sure she was rolling her eyes when she responded, "Mom, I already know how to play a violin."

"Okay, then!"

I said no more.
You bet your ass I'm buying a pink violin.
I have to know.

Good Friends

Well, I've been successful, so far, in keeping to my New Year's resolution. Part of that resolution was to spend time with people I love and laugh with.

I attended a baby shower yesterday afternoon. When I returned home, I was supposed to attend a Mom's Night Out but was distracted by three men and some beer instead. Those three men were: my husband, the mom-to-be's husband and another dear friend's husband (who also attended the shower). They'd been hanging out at our house while the baby shower was happening and continued to hang until the late night.

I cannot tell you how happy it made me to be around these three; to see them laughing it up, giving each other a hard time and talking in great detail about projects being worked on and ones that were being dreamed up on the spot. These guys have known each other since high school. They are brothers. They are lifelong friends, whether they like it or not. And it'd been quite awhile since all of them were in the same place at once in this type of setting.

I have no big story. I have no mind-blowing epiphany. It just put a smile on my face to sit back and watch them go back and forth. Good friends like these are hard to come by.
And sorry guys, I know these aren't the best pictures but this is like 10 beers later (for them not me!)

I love these people.

Wyatt

Cassidy

Goodbye Aughties

2009 in Review

This year has been a very emotional year for me. At this exact time last year, my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and underwent the Whipple surgery.
I was staying home with my 7 month old, 3 year old and two other toddlers. Money was tight and I hardly ever got to see my husband.
I gained 40 lbs this year. 40.
Audrey turned 4 and started Pre-K.
Harper turned one and has never once slept through the night.
I watched as my oldest daughter nearly drown at her first swimming lesson.
Harper learned to walk on her own and has not slowed down since.
I started teaching again and became unbelievably busy with photography sessions.
Audrey received her first haircut and officially lost her curls.
An old friend was lost in a freak accident.
A new friend received some bittersweet news for the holidays and has a long, rough road ahead.
And all that is just off the top of my head.

All in all, Tim and I just tried to keep our heads down and deal with what was right in front of us. I wouldn't say 2009 was a terrible year, but it wasn't one of our favorites. I have high hopes for 2010.

Each year we look back and rethink our decisions. I do regret some, but I can't complain too much. We're here. We're healthy. We're together.

Several events this year have helped me to put my life into perspective.
I am going to live in the moment. Speak my mind. Take a little time for me. And try my damnedest to spend time with those that I love and laugh with.

Goodbye 2009.
"Celebrate we will. Life is short but sweet for certain."- Dave Matthews

Yes, I just quoted Dave Matthews.

Happy New Year.
Let's make it a good one.

On the last day of 2009:

The beginning of a beautiful relationship.... I hope.

A few days ago, Tottie, who was sitting quietly in her car seat says very clearly, "Mama, I love you."

I almost ran off the road. And of course I kept asking her her to say it over and over again. I couldn't hear it enough. "I love you. I love you. I love you." She turned to her sister and said, "I love you, Audrey." At that, I almost cried. She does love her sister.

Every day it's something new. She now sings Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star and the Alphabet Song and she will even grab her baby doll and pretend to sing it to sleep by singing our made-up family song called Bye-Yo. She feeds the baby doll, too. It's cute.

She loves to draw and basically do anything her sister is doing.


This morning, Audrey and I dropped Tottie off at school. It was our day together. We went to breakfast in bunny ears and ran lots and lots and lots of errands. I fielded several questions about Santa Claus and death and the Grinch's nasty disposition. Conversations with a Four Year Old. (It's the title of my future book. Don't steal it.)
When we arrived back home we took a nap together. It was awesome. There are few things I like better than napping with my kids.


We ran a few more errands and then went to pick up the short one. When we opened the door to her classroom her teachers immediately shot me a look and said, "Mom. We have a problem." I was bracing myself for the news. Biting? Another bloody nose? What?
"Your daughter has been stripping."
They said they sat back and watched as Harper entertained herself in the mirror by lifting her dress up to see her belly. Then, they said she lifted it up and over her head and managed to pull it off. They told me how she was literally swinging her dress around in the air as she circled the room laughing. And as they are telling me this story, Tottie decides to show me for herself. I knelt there, in shock, disbelieving that my 1.5 year old could undress herself. And then thinking, "Shit. She can take her clothes off now."
"Shit. She's going undress herself in public."
"Shit."
I was suddenly reminded of a student I had in elementary school that would start undressing herself button by button if you upset her or tried to discipline her in any way. She'd just stare at me and then unbutton another button. Seething. Just stand there and unbutton. It was a genius move, really. Luckily, I was never left alone with her. Her regular teachers would escort her to the principal's office whenever she'd exhibit the behavior. I always wondered if her mother dressed her in shirt dresses on purpose.

Anyway, Harper can take her own clothes off.
I'm hoping she'll keep her hands off her diapers.

When we all packed back into the car, Audrey turns to Harper and says, "I missed you today, Tottie. I really did."
And just before bed Audrey told me that when she gets older, her and her sister are going to get married.

They are so damn cute together.

Black Friday

I talked myself out of shopping. Me: one. Consumerism: zero.

We did, however, put our Christmas tree up today. Tottie wasn't as excited as I thought she'd be. She did exclaim, "Tree!" but that was about it.
Audrey had enough excitement for the both of them though. She clasped her hands gently together and said, "Oh, Mommy. Isn't our tree bee-u-ti-ful?" She danced around to the Christmas music (thank you B98.5) and helped hang ornaments. She speculated which gifts Santa would bring her and made sure we knew what a good girl she's been.

I love lazy days like today. Tim watched the girls so that I could go to the quiet coffee shop all by myself and get some work done. When I got home, around four, Harper was still in her jammies eating makeup and Audrey was naked, throwing toys around. Tim had made vegetarian stew and had cleaned the kitchen. Awesome.

I need a whole week of days like today. I like this pace.



P.S. The holiday card is almost complete. If I don't have your address and you want on the list... shoot me an email!

It's Way Too Soon for This.

So, it was only a matter of time before we started dealing with these emotional issues.
The grass is always greener...
You always want what you can't have...

She four, y'all. Four.

I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me just tell you the story:

I'm on my way to the school to pick up the girls one day after work. It was a helluva day. (It's always a helluva day, isn't it?)
Anyway, get there. Get them. Everything seems to be fine.
I start up the car. Everyone's buckled. We're ready to roll.

I pull out of the parking lot and ask Audrey, just as I always do, "How was school today?"
There's a long drawn out whimper that suddenly turns into full-on uncontrollable crying.
I almost stopped the car, but thought I'd better get home.... and fast.
"WHAT is wrong, Audrey? Calm down and tell me what's wrong."
Sniffles and broken breaths.
"I'm not beautiful every daaaaaaaay!"

"What?!! What are you talking about! You know you are beautiful. Mommy tells you every day. (And then Mama Bear kicks in.) Did someone say you're not beautiful?"

"I DID! I SAID IT!"

What the hell? Seriously. WHAT THE HELL? Why is this coming up now? Do I really have to do this? Have this conversation? I didn't think this stuff would start until middle school, really.

"Okay, Audrey. Why do you think you are not beautiful. Think about it. Why do you think you are not beautiful?"

She thought.

And then she said this, and it broke my heart, it did:
"I want straight hair like you, Mommy. I don't want curly hair."

I was in shock. It's not like she's the only girl in her class with curls. Does she not hear all of the perfect strangers that gasp and gaze upon her hair and say, "Oh, I wish I had those curls."

I reminded her of all the million comments she's received. I told for the billionth time that she's the most beautiful person in the world. It still didn't make her feel any better.

I have no idea what transpired that day at school. I had have no idea what kind of an influence her pals have on her. I have no control. I can't be there for everything, every second of her life. I can't protect her from mean girls or teasing boys. Oh, how I wish I could.

I probably shouldn't have done this. Maybe it wasn't the right solution to the problem... but I wanted to give her what she wanted for just one day.
So, when we got home, I called her into the bathroom and while I was ironing her hair I told her that we would never do this again, just this once so that she could see what she looked like with straight hair. I could tell she was excited. I made her repeat it. She did.
I also told her that she was very lucky. She could have both curly and straight hair whenever she wanted when she was all grown up.
So, I finished the task, turned her around to look in the mirror and....

SHE STARTED BAWLING AGAIN!!!

"Why are you crying now???"
"My friends are going to laugh at me because I look funny!"

Jesus. I told her that it wasn't permanent, that her hair would be back to normal after she took her nightly shower. At that statement, she turned to the mirror once more and gave her hair a good flip. A smile came over her face as she looked up at me and then she was off.... to go change her clothes and dance around the living room while watching herself in the reflection of the tv screen.