Four Tidbits for Friday

ONE
I grabbed a stack of books to read before bedtime. I was just about to start the third, "Chicks and Salsa", when I noticed the front cover was ripped.
"Oh, no!" I said. "Did you rip the cover of this book, Audrey?"
"No. I didn't. Daddy did."

I yelled at Tim from the bedroom, "Teeeeyimmmmm! Did you rip this book?"
From the kitchen, "No."

"Audrey? Daddy didn't rip this book. Who did?"
"Mommy, you did it!"
"No, I didn't. Audrey, did you rip this book?"
"No mommy. Nathaniel ripped it. He ripped it."

"Hmmmmmm, that's funny Audrey Rose, because Nathaniel has never been to our house. How could he rip it if he's never been to our house?"

She parted her lips as if she were going to repond. Instead, she barked at me, "READ IT!"
She realized she wasn't going to be able to outsmart her mother, this time.

TWO
Audrey begins the conversation by saying, "Christmas is coming soon!"
"Yes, it is. Do you know what you want for Christmas?"
She thinks.
"I want a Christmas tree!"
"Well, I think Daddy and I can take care of that. Is there anything you want from Santa?"
She thinks some more.
"I want a blue present, a red present and a yellow present." (I was secretely proud of her, b/c being an art teacher, I noticed she'd just named the primary colors.)
Anyway, I ask her, " What do you want to be in those presents?"
She thinks.
"Shoes.........A Skirt..........A Purple Headband!"

I told her that Santa might bring her those, but only if she's a good girl. (She had been super difficult that day and I was trying to threaten her, see?) I went on to explain that Santa could see her; he was watching her. She said, "Santa watching me?"
"Oh, yes. And he wants you to be a good girl. He wants you to mind Mommy and Daddy."
"Santa watching me?"
"Yes."
"Santa watches me pick my nose?"
"Mm-hm. He wants you to stop picking your nose and he also wants you to go to the big girl potty. If you don't, he's not going to bring you any presents!" (I know. I'm horrible.)

THREE
Tim, being the chipper morning person that he's always been (yes, it's annoying) says, "Good morning, ladies!"
Audrey and I know this as our wake-up call. She rolls over onto my side, half asleep, and says with attitude, "I'm not a lady. I'm a squash bug. I have a bad smell."

I love it when I wake up laughing.

FOUR

She came to me this morning, while I was getting dressed for work and screamed, "Mommy! Mommy! I drew a penguin." I expect to look down and see some scribble scrabble. I was shocked to see something that actually resembled an animal.
I shouted at Tim, "Honey, did you help her draw this?"
"No."
"Did you see this?"
"No."
I ran out to show him.
I still can't believe it. It's like the best angry purple penguin I've ever seen!

33, not one of my better birthdays...

So, the alternate title to this post was "F.U. Morning Sickness!"
Letters from my second grade students were the highlight of my birthday. Well, next to Tim leaving me a birthday message on my phone. (He NEVER leaves messages.) It was cute. He even sang me a little made up song.

When the husband arrived home from work, he asked, "Where do you want to go eat?"
"I don't want to eat, " I mumbled from my fetal position on the couch. So, as it ends up we ordered a carry-out pizza. I managed to force some in my mouth, brush my teeth and make it to bed before 9pm.

The birthday was pretty uneventful this year, thanks to morning sickness (a.k.a. all day sickness, in my case). I'm hoping it will subside soon. I don't know how much more I can take.

In other news, Audrey, during our nightly conversations, says to me, "Can we build a snowman?" (They must have read a book about this at day care, I'm guessing.) Anyway, I say, "Well, when it snows we can." She says, with a very thoughtful look on her face, "I want a brown snowman, not a white one. Brown."
???
I will be inquiring about this brown snowman further.

Yesterday, Tim was driving home with her while listening to NPR. The were discussing the elections. Tim asks Audrey, "Do you think Hillary Clinton will be president?"
"Noooooooooo."
"Do you think Barack Obama will become president?"
"Noooooooooo."
"Do you think Giuliani will?"
"Nooooooo."
'Mitt Romney?"
"NOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Well, who do you think will become president Gubby?"
Without missing a beat she answered, "GrandDaddy."

Tim asked her tonight, "Is Mommy having a baby?"
"Yup."
"Where is it?"
She says, "In her stummy."
Then adds, "I cannot find it though."

After dinner we were hanging out in the living room. Audrey took everything off but her undies and ran around the room. She jumped up on a chair that had a stack of CDs on it. Tim has warned her several times not to play with the CDs. He has forbidden her to lay a finger on them.
So, she jumps up in this chair and has her back to us. She's facing the CDs and is so close to touching them. Tim starts to open his mouth to snap at her and she says, so playfully, "I'm not touching them. I'm not touching them."
Tim was bound to get her though. He argued, "Yes you are. Your foot is touching them. Quit touching them."
"I'm not touching them. I'm not. I'm not touching them."

She already has her dad figured out. Awesome.