Sunday, November 22, 2009

It's Way Too Soon for This.


So, it was only a matter of time before we started dealing with these emotional issues.
The grass is always greener...
You always want what you can't have...

She four, y'all. Four.

I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me just tell you the story:

I'm on my way to the school to pick up the girls one day after work. It was a helluva day. (It's always a helluva day, isn't it?)
Anyway, get there. Get them. Everything seems to be fine.
I start up the car. Everyone's buckled. We're ready to roll.

I pull out of the parking lot and ask Audrey, just as I always do, "How was school today?"
There's a long drawn out whimper that suddenly turns into full-on uncontrollable crying.
I almost stopped the car, but thought I'd better get home.... and fast.
"WHAT is wrong, Audrey? Calm down and tell me what's wrong."
Sniffles and broken breaths.
"I'm not beautiful every daaaaaaaay!"

"What?!! What are you talking about! You know you are beautiful. Mommy tells you every day. (And then Mama Bear kicks in.) Did someone say you're not beautiful?"

"I DID! I SAID IT!"

What the hell? Seriously. WHAT THE HELL? Why is this coming up now? Do I really have to do this? Have this conversation? I didn't think this stuff would start until middle school, really.

"Okay, Audrey. Why do you think you are not beautiful. Think about it. Why do you think you are not beautiful?"

She thought.

And then she said this, and it broke my heart, it did:
"I want straight hair like you, Mommy. I don't want curly hair."

I was in shock. It's not like she's the only girl in her class with curls. Does she not hear all of the perfect strangers that gasp and gaze upon her hair and say, "Oh, I wish I had those curls."

I reminded her of all the million comments she's received. I told for the billionth time that she's the most beautiful person in the world. It still didn't make her feel any better.

I have no idea what transpired that day at school. I had have no idea what kind of an influence her pals have on her. I have no control. I can't be there for everything, every second of her life. I can't protect her from mean girls or teasing boys. Oh, how I wish I could.

I probably shouldn't have done this. Maybe it wasn't the right solution to the problem... but I wanted to give her what she wanted for just one day.
So, when we got home, I called her into the bathroom and while I was ironing her hair I told her that we would never do this again, just this once so that she could see what she looked like with straight hair. I could tell she was excited. I made her repeat it. She did.
I also told her that she was very lucky. She could have both curly and straight hair whenever she wanted when she was all grown up.
So, I finished the task, turned her around to look in the mirror and....

SHE STARTED BAWLING AGAIN!!!

"Why are you crying now???"
"My friends are going to laugh at me because I look funny!"

Jesus. I told her that it wasn't permanent, that her hair would be back to normal after she took her nightly shower. At that statement, she turned to the mirror once more and gave her hair a good flip. A smile came over her face as she looked up at me and then she was off.... to go change her clothes and dance around the living room while watching herself in the reflection of the tv screen.

6 Comments:

Anonymous cel said...

i can only smile... all my childhood i wished i had straight hair. now that i live in germany and my hair is lifeless and getting straight i wish i had my blond curls...
please tell audrey she is beautiful. actually every time i see your photos i think: "wow beautiful curls!"

4:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey angela
whit went through the exact same issue when she was four. she would wear her hair "a little bit up,and a little bit down" to try and fool people into thinking she had straight hair. she got over it after a few months,then she moved onto a different phase of not brushing her curly locks-which was a whole other headache. Shes almost 7 and has finally embraced the curls....
good luck:)
wynn

11:49 AM  
Blogger Missy said...

I love that you did (straightened it for her). You are such a good mama. And she's a beauty, just like her good mama.

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anne said...

Oh, man. As a curly-headed girl, I feel for her. I wanted straight hair for years and years, and some days, I still want straight hair. I am 37 and prob. need to get over it.

You did a good job of smoothing it over (pun intended), but be forewarned that there will come a day when you are the enemy, a straight-haired woman trying to tell her that you wish you had her curls, blah blah blah.

I resented my mom and her straight hair and her trying to make me feel better just ticked me off.

But that was in middle school. Can't believe she is realizing it at four. She must be very self-aware and mature for a four year old!

Hang in there.

10:11 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I have been thinking about this post for days, and I have to tell you it breaks my heart. Being a curly girl, I know her pain all too well. Some days it just sucks that you have hair that no one knows how to cut, that will never lay flat, and doesn't blow in the breeze like pretty straight hair does. But then you get over it, and even sometimes cherish your funny wacky spirals. Keep up what you're doing, try to encourage her and be understanding when she gets bummed out by it. She'll make her peace with it, just like your friend Wynn's daughter did.

10:17 AM  
Anonymous Mary Anne said...

hugs to you mama...
My lovely Korean adopted daughter whom everyone wants her hair...would really like to be a blond...with curls please.

Since she was 4...

Mary Anne

7:59 PM  

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