Tomorrow, things change.
It hasn't really hit me yet. I'm sure it will hit me at school, in the middle of a class, when I least expect it. A pang will rise in my chest and I'll have to bring my hand closer to my heart in realization that I miss my daughter so much it hurts. I just hope that I don't start crying in front of a bunch of teenagers. I don't want to be referred to as "Our New Wussy Teacher".
I should feel relieved that we finally found a daycare with an opening. It only took four weeks! (Four weeks of my sweaty ear glued to a cell phone only to hear, "We're booked until the end of next year.") I must have called over 60 establishments.
Audrey,
I am comforted to know that you will be in the hands of total strangers. Strangers that print promotional materials that read as follows:(click to see larger image)
Strangers that will never love you as much as your dad and I do. Strangers that might ignore your cries or overlook your milestones. Strangers that will be receiving all of MY hugs. Strangers that might not know the cues you give when you want a bottle or just to be held. Strangers that surely won't smile or clap or laugh as much as Mommy does for you. Strangers that will never know how much I will miss you and worry about you while you're out of my sight.
THAT'S IT. I QUIT. I'm calling them tomorrow and telling them to find someone else. I'd much rather be poor than send my daughter to daycare. I think it just hit me.
At least Audrey gave us a special treat tonight; She took her first steps! She took 6 full wobbly steps towards her Papaw (my dad). I cried out of sheer joy. I'm so glad we got to see it first and not someone at the daycare. Thank you Audrey Rose.
Audrey got to see both sets of grandparents tonight. She fed the geese with Tim's parents. Geese are so nasty. Geese smell. I think Audrey felt the same way:
Anyway, back to my letter...
I think I've gotten everything ready for you. I've packed your bag, made sure you have enough food and a change of clothes. I wish I had a little tiny camcorder I could strategically stuff in there so I could watch you from work. I'll have to take a picture of you instead and hope that those people are taking good care of you. I will always be able to say that, "I can do it better."
What's wrong with the world today that I can't stay at home and raise my kid?
Maybe I'll start playing the lottery.
I love you and tomorrow will be much harder on me than you. Have a good time and be nice to all those boys. (Audrey is the only girl. Five other boys will be in her room.) I'll be waiting for you and Daddy on pins and needles.
Love,
Momma.
I should feel relieved that we finally found a daycare with an opening. It only took four weeks! (Four weeks of my sweaty ear glued to a cell phone only to hear, "We're booked until the end of next year.") I must have called over 60 establishments.
Audrey,
I am comforted to know that you will be in the hands of total strangers. Strangers that print promotional materials that read as follows:(click to see larger image)
Strangers that will never love you as much as your dad and I do. Strangers that might ignore your cries or overlook your milestones. Strangers that will be receiving all of MY hugs. Strangers that might not know the cues you give when you want a bottle or just to be held. Strangers that surely won't smile or clap or laugh as much as Mommy does for you. Strangers that will never know how much I will miss you and worry about you while you're out of my sight.
THAT'S IT. I QUIT. I'm calling them tomorrow and telling them to find someone else. I'd much rather be poor than send my daughter to daycare. I think it just hit me.
At least Audrey gave us a special treat tonight; She took her first steps! She took 6 full wobbly steps towards her Papaw (my dad). I cried out of sheer joy. I'm so glad we got to see it first and not someone at the daycare. Thank you Audrey Rose.
Audrey got to see both sets of grandparents tonight. She fed the geese with Tim's parents. Geese are so nasty. Geese smell. I think Audrey felt the same way:
Anyway, back to my letter...
I think I've gotten everything ready for you. I've packed your bag, made sure you have enough food and a change of clothes. I wish I had a little tiny camcorder I could strategically stuff in there so I could watch you from work. I'll have to take a picture of you instead and hope that those people are taking good care of you. I will always be able to say that, "I can do it better."
What's wrong with the world today that I can't stay at home and raise my kid?
Maybe I'll start playing the lottery.
I love you and tomorrow will be much harder on me than you. Have a good time and be nice to all those boys. (Audrey is the only girl. Five other boys will be in her room.) I'll be waiting for you and Daddy on pins and needles.
Love,
Momma.
6 Comments:
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Brooks said...
I wish I could be your nanny too. I hope you keep a version of this letter for Audrey to read because it is so tender and heartfelt. Audrey is as lucky to have two parents that adore her so as you and Tim are to have such a beautiful and amazing baby girl.
I will say from my careful observations of baby Ben that he has done well with day care and really likes interacting with other babies. They have a special language with each other that can be fascinating to watch.
You all will be on my mind tomorrow.
I know this is tough, but you are a good momma and you and Papa Tim have always had Audrey's best interest at the top of your list.
much love to you all,
B
p.s. Maybe you can barter with them and fix their gramatically incorrect promotional materials. No body should have their baby children growing up thinking that is good English.
ames- i love you! thanks for commenting. i was beginning to worry about you. i haven't heard from you in a while. i hope your interview went well. how exciting!!! yay!
nanabee!!!!!- i'm so flattered that you read this thing! by the way, I LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER. i am so fortunate to have her as a close friend.
your words comforted me. it's nice to know that someone felt the same way and made it through the fire. you're right, suzanne and eva turned out just fine, more than just fine. kudos to you and yours. you did a bang up job.
brooks- i think i'll send that pamphlet to jay leno and see if it makes it on 'headlines'. who am i kidding? i'll be asleep. thanks for the nice thoughts. hey, did you get your picture yet?
rebecca- oh, she was proud alright. she laughed and then looked around the room to make sure everyone had been watching her. she's such a ham!
My heart goes out to you- just reading your letter brought me to tears. You're such an awesome mom and Audrey is such an outgoing little gal, she's sure to flourish and show those boys who's boss!
I hope that the job is going well- at least your off for the summer, right? Playdates!
Thanks Jen!
Yes, off for the summer...but I'm still on the job hunt for next year. I haven't heard back from the places that I REALLY want to work.
I'm being picky and want to do the shortest commute possible. So, I've turned a few places down. I hope it doesn't bite me in the you-know-what later.
PLAYDATES FOR SURE!
awwwww Bryan and i are so excited and proud of Audrey!!! I wish we were closer to give her and you a squeeze!!! How did the first day go? We miss you!
Love,
Rachelmae Bryan and Rocky
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