It's hard to remember the past when you're thinking about the future
This weekend was strange for me. My dreams and my mind were flooded with memories of moments passed.
I guess it started with finding out that an old high school 'friend' had moved in town. Tim couldn't remember who he was, so I pulled out an old yearbook to find his picture. The said 'friend' managed to dodge picture day for four straight years it seemed. I digress.
We ended up sifting through the pages of yester years. Memory lane conjurs up awkward times as well as the glorious ones.
Tim and I attended the same middle school and high school, so it's always interesting to cross-reference experiences. We finally found our friend's picture in a middle school annual, but that didn't stop us from digging our noses down deeper in those pages. So many things and people to forget when you're busy living.
With that past sense of self and emergence of maturity lingering in the air, I decided to glance at some old 'treasure boxes'. (I keep different eras of my youth in different boxes/ containers.) I dug through an old music box and found a sitar peg, a love letter, several old photographs and little presents from people I haven't thought about in years.
I wasn't expecting to have a weekend of reflection. I wasn't expecting to remember what, how and who I wanted to be. I wasn't expecting to be hit hard with the realization that I am not all of those things I'd hoped to be. And I wasn't expecting to be disappointed with time and how I've spent it.
It's so easy to get tangled up in the monotony of routine. I haven't looked past my nose in years.
Revisiting the past is somewhat depressing for me. I'm always second-guessing my decisions and feeling guilty for their effects on others. But reflecting on the past this weekend has made me more aware of my hopes and dreams. I'm ready for a change. I'm not getting any younger and who knows when the sky is going to fall.
What am I waiting for?
P.S. I edited the blog section. Look for some new reads. I removed some of you guys that haven't updated in forever. No hard feelings.
9 Comments:
The past's importance is subjective. I try not give mine very much air time. Particularly the unpleasant stuff.
Hey neighbor, as usual, I love your photos. Did you see my "endorsement" or "testimonial" (or whatever) on Flickr? (As if I am some expert, but still!!)
p.s. Thanks for the linky love!
p.s. The Brickstone? I can walk there.
Immediate Art Teacher opening at Centennial! Principal said for you to apply. From Atlanta Magazine:
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Brian
*just checking in on you*
you are definitely not alone in your feelings, however each persons reflections are as unique as the individuals experiencing them.
life is a lesson. a continuous lesson. raising kids makes time fly. although there are some things i think i would do differently if i could, when i think twice about that i realize it really took the exact path i took to get me where i am. i didn't know it when i was struggling or doubting, but that path has led me where i am meant to be. yours will, too.
beck and karan- you both have such a way with words. i cannot express to you what your comments have meant to me.
i think i'm over my crisis. i hope i am. it was predicted that it will not fully disappear until spring has sprung.
this, told to me by my very own buddha. she's pregnant and full of wisdom. so, i don't doubt her. would you?
never...
((hug))
Anytime... e-mail me. What's your schedule?
What's with the shameless self-promotion?
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