Has it really been that long?

Hello internets. It's been two months since my last post. Forgive me.

Time is flying by and I'm not even documenting it properly. Poor Harper. You'll not have the completed baby book, the monthly newborn blog updates or the scrapbooking pages your sister has had. Please, don't hate me. I'll get around to doing that at some point (when you're 20 most likely). At least I take pictures pretty regularly.

It's just that I feel a few steps behind most of the time. Well, let's be honest: I am busting my ass just to keep the house orderly, Audrey happy and you from screaming crying most of the time. Forget about getting back in shape! I guess I should just throw in the towel and not give a shit what people think. I've never been good at keeping up with the Joneses anyway.

Harper Jane,

I'm feeling a little guilty lately because the bulk of this blog is about your older sister. I feel like you'll think you've been jilted if you ever read this years from now. I haven't written much about you since you've been born. "It's always Audrey, Audrey, Audrey!" No. It's not. Not anymore.

It was hard for me to write about you during the first few months. I know it's not fair to compare you to your sister, but it's inevitable. You were so uncomfortable during your first months. You had bad bad gas. You seemed to always have what your dad calls "crank face". You never ever sat still for more than 5 minutes. Never would you let anyone else hold you but me. You hated the sling! It was taxing, to say the least. We couldn't take you anywhere. Your dad and I were not used to that. We assumed you'd be just like Audrey. What were we thinking? You proved to be very different. And different is okay (just so you know).

Honestly, I don't think you liked being pulled into this world. You might've had a sweeter disposition had you been able to make your appearance on your own terms. Who knows. My point is that I couldn't really get a sense of who you were in those first few months. I never found the secret formula for a happy baby. Part of me was depressed and part of me was just plain tired. You were a such a demanding baby!

Thank goodness, that has all changed. You've made me work hard to see it, but your personality is really blossoming these last few weeks. You're crying less. The incessant screaming in the car has subsided (for the most part) and you're smiling and laughing so much more. What a relief! I never spoke it, but I was really worried about you there for a while. Who am I kidding? I was really worried about me. I didn't think I was being a good mother.

You're a happy baby now and that's all that matters.



RIGHT NOW: You're in my arms, fused to the boob. You look so sleepy sweet. Your fuzzy hair is getting thicker. Your little fingers are twitching. You never stop wiggling, even in your sleep. Your dad has actually dubbed you, "The Wiggler". You're grabbing things like crazy, especially your sister's hair (in clumps). Most impressive is your ability to maneuver yourself around the floor. I just know you'll be crawling in no time. You can sit up by yourself for a short time and you've even been eating a little solid food. The best is your cooing, which you showcase in the mornings. You love it when we steady you on your feet. It makes you feel like a big kid. Maybe that has been part of your discontent- you're not advanced enough to do the things you see the "big kids" doing all day long, right in front of you! It could be that, or the fact that you haven't had a normal poop since you were born.

Fuck constipation. That would make me pretty cranky too!

We'll get you regular, don't worry.

I'd type more, but it's slow going with only one hand.
I love you more than thunder clouds, dear Harper.